I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
