My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
