So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
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