Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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