my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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