just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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