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• (309): View more from Illinois

  "Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.

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• (812): View more from Indiana

  through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.

  (847): View more from Illinois

  ill be there in 5.

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  Why is there bacon braided in my hair

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• (636): View more from Missouri

  Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight

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• (917): View more from New York City

  his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently

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• (516): View more from New York

  She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...

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• (917): View more from New York City

  I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face

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• (614): View more from Ohio

  You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"

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• (262): View more from Wisconsin

  IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.

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• (773): View more from Illinois

  Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night

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• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Stupid adulating

  (1-717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash

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• (863): View more from Florida

  On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?

  (1-863): View more from Florida

  Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.

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• (856): View more from New Jersey

  She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Where'd she get the razor?

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  Not the point.

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