Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
