Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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