I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Boobs speak an international language.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
