I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
