The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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