omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
You're earring is so big in my mouth
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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