do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
