i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Randomize
