When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
