Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Randomize
