party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
