I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
