Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
