I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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