...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
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