There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
