Umm I'm too high to move.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I had to cum in my sink.
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