I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I supernannyed him into submission
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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