okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
