i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Randomize
