Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
