Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
