So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
