He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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