the condom got lost in my hair
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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