i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Congratulations! We have a period
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
