Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Princesses don't give blow jobs
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
