I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
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