Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
