2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
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