Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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