is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
What a dumb baby whore.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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