I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
