Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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