"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
