We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
pop tarts are not kleenex
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
