end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
