I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
