My underwear smells like fireworks.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
