I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
