So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
