Plan B is the new Plan A
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
