I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
